The dying of the light
Sep. 1st, 2009 11:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gracedpalmerWell, it looks like fall's hit, for better or for worse - even if it gets to be 80 again shortly, my eyes have started telling me that the light is fading too quick and starting too late. I'm waking up at ten instead of nine because the lighting in my apartment has changed, and it's full dark by a little after 7:30.
For the past two days, I've woken up in minor despair, with the desire to keep on sleeping, and it's been difficult to get myself going. I've been down and somewhat angry since the last week of July, which is completely situational. This is new and different.
This is annoying. It's only September. That's supposed to be summer's last gasp, and here I am having to winterize myself.
Winterizing is this year's new concept. Rather than simply dreading the dark coldness, I shall attempt to create conditions and expectations that will result in the least misery. This weekend, I'll be buying ultra bright, white CFLs for my ceiling lights, and possibly a lamp timer that'll turn on the light at 9 am to get me out of bed without making me hyperventilate (which alarms now do).
Going to lower expectations on what to get done and how much advancement I'm going to be able to manage for various skills. The goal is to maintain something similar to my current quality of life this winter. It probably won't quite stay up that well, but there shall be Rules.
To steal a term from Elizabeth Bear, I shall be going on the Discipline. She uses it to refer to eating such that her body wants to make muscle and not fat. I'm using it more as a set of rules that will make sure I am a functional, reasonable human being.
Get up before a given time, get a shower daily rather than letting it slide every day or so, get dressed immediately afterward, including frivolities like bras that I might not bother with in the summer. Check email, check work, eat food.
Do fifteen minutes of housework daily, somewhere, to music. Ideally, this should happen in the morning, because I know how effective I am at cleaning after the other work has been done. Start articles before noon and finish before dark (I realize that this gives me less and less time as the year winds on, but working on this job after dark is emotionally awful), work on art, sewing, or fiction for at least a little while daily. Laundry once a week.
If work is not functioning for me on a given day, and the rate has dropped below two articles per hour, I am to stop. I am to get up and do something else, which must be productive or fun. Then I have to come back and work. There will be no browsing the Interwebs for hours and squeaking along a paragraph at a time. Quota is allowed to drop in exceptional circumstances, but only then.
I also get permission to eat a narrow range of boxed foods that I'm not allowed to eat very often or just don't eat much during the summer. These include bread from the store, pasta with jarred sauce, frozen dumplings, etc. These may become staples for the interim, and I will not feel guilty about eating them. They're easy, will keep me from getting so hungry I can't decide what to eat and proceed to eat crap, and they make less dishes than from scratch cooking.
Frozen pizza may not be a staple, and will be eaten only with other people, or in cases where fast, easy comfort food is required (such as illness or catastrophic events). Ice cream is not allowed to be in the freezer as a standard item, and candy purchases will be specifically limited. Eating out is limited to twice a week, maximum, ideally once. However, it is a social activity, and as long as it's operating in the context of fun and social, it's ok. It's when we eat out from boredom and despair that it's not.
I am unlikely to lose weight in the winter, as my inner chipmunk usually starts trying to store starchy foods and build a fort in the bed. If I can maintain my current weight, we'll call it good. Points for dropping a couple of pounds, and many extra points if I can get rid of the ten I put on last February. (February has always been my nemesis).
Ideally, I need to find a form of exercise I can stand. I know that I am more functional when I'm getting regular exercise. I'm more productive, have more energy, and am generally happier. However, I have a mental block about exercise that doesn't go anywhere. Situps, pushups, and walking absolutely nowhere are the equivalent of exercise busy-work, as is going to the gym (which has the added bonus of social anxiety!) This makes it pretty hard for me to continue doing them, as I know that they're pointless other than the motion. If I have somewhere that I need to walk, or am getting something more useful out of the exercise (such as dance practice, when I had it available), I have less problems doing it.
The summer I had to bike across town to the library every day, my stamina was much better. Unfortunately, there is no dance practice available, the local belly dance lessons are problematic, and I'm not sure what other options are. I don't make a great deal of money, so paying for something means it had better be good.
Living downtown makes driving problematic. Either you can walk somewhere, or it's a minimum of a half hour drive, even if it's in the same city. Fortunately, there are enough places I need to go that a minimum of walking can be maintained. If nothing else, I need groceries, and the CSA pickup (which is about a mile and a half out) will be running through October. That gets me out a few times a week, and is definitely responsible for the fact that my calves, if no other part of me, are very strong.
Daily would be better, but I'm not sure how to do it. It will be figured out, however, and if it gets too bad, I'll make myself walk around the park with my mp3 player when the sun is reflecting off the snow. Usually, a little physical activity and a little sunlight on the eyes will improve things at least a little.
In other news, I made toffee last night. It is really, really good, and now I don't want to buy Werthers anymore. I must, however, do something about the fact that it cools with many tiny bubbles in it. If you are avoiding chewing the toffee for the sake of your teeth, they're murder on the tongue.
With this written, I'm going to head off and get my first article started, in order to have at least one done before noon. Then breakfast and cleaning.
Stupid winter.
For the past two days, I've woken up in minor despair, with the desire to keep on sleeping, and it's been difficult to get myself going. I've been down and somewhat angry since the last week of July, which is completely situational. This is new and different.
This is annoying. It's only September. That's supposed to be summer's last gasp, and here I am having to winterize myself.
Winterizing is this year's new concept. Rather than simply dreading the dark coldness, I shall attempt to create conditions and expectations that will result in the least misery. This weekend, I'll be buying ultra bright, white CFLs for my ceiling lights, and possibly a lamp timer that'll turn on the light at 9 am to get me out of bed without making me hyperventilate (which alarms now do).
Going to lower expectations on what to get done and how much advancement I'm going to be able to manage for various skills. The goal is to maintain something similar to my current quality of life this winter. It probably won't quite stay up that well, but there shall be Rules.
To steal a term from Elizabeth Bear, I shall be going on the Discipline. She uses it to refer to eating such that her body wants to make muscle and not fat. I'm using it more as a set of rules that will make sure I am a functional, reasonable human being.
Get up before a given time, get a shower daily rather than letting it slide every day or so, get dressed immediately afterward, including frivolities like bras that I might not bother with in the summer. Check email, check work, eat food.
Do fifteen minutes of housework daily, somewhere, to music. Ideally, this should happen in the morning, because I know how effective I am at cleaning after the other work has been done. Start articles before noon and finish before dark (I realize that this gives me less and less time as the year winds on, but working on this job after dark is emotionally awful), work on art, sewing, or fiction for at least a little while daily. Laundry once a week.
If work is not functioning for me on a given day, and the rate has dropped below two articles per hour, I am to stop. I am to get up and do something else, which must be productive or fun. Then I have to come back and work. There will be no browsing the Interwebs for hours and squeaking along a paragraph at a time. Quota is allowed to drop in exceptional circumstances, but only then.
I also get permission to eat a narrow range of boxed foods that I'm not allowed to eat very often or just don't eat much during the summer. These include bread from the store, pasta with jarred sauce, frozen dumplings, etc. These may become staples for the interim, and I will not feel guilty about eating them. They're easy, will keep me from getting so hungry I can't decide what to eat and proceed to eat crap, and they make less dishes than from scratch cooking.
Frozen pizza may not be a staple, and will be eaten only with other people, or in cases where fast, easy comfort food is required (such as illness or catastrophic events). Ice cream is not allowed to be in the freezer as a standard item, and candy purchases will be specifically limited. Eating out is limited to twice a week, maximum, ideally once. However, it is a social activity, and as long as it's operating in the context of fun and social, it's ok. It's when we eat out from boredom and despair that it's not.
I am unlikely to lose weight in the winter, as my inner chipmunk usually starts trying to store starchy foods and build a fort in the bed. If I can maintain my current weight, we'll call it good. Points for dropping a couple of pounds, and many extra points if I can get rid of the ten I put on last February. (February has always been my nemesis).
Ideally, I need to find a form of exercise I can stand. I know that I am more functional when I'm getting regular exercise. I'm more productive, have more energy, and am generally happier. However, I have a mental block about exercise that doesn't go anywhere. Situps, pushups, and walking absolutely nowhere are the equivalent of exercise busy-work, as is going to the gym (which has the added bonus of social anxiety!) This makes it pretty hard for me to continue doing them, as I know that they're pointless other than the motion. If I have somewhere that I need to walk, or am getting something more useful out of the exercise (such as dance practice, when I had it available), I have less problems doing it.
The summer I had to bike across town to the library every day, my stamina was much better. Unfortunately, there is no dance practice available, the local belly dance lessons are problematic, and I'm not sure what other options are. I don't make a great deal of money, so paying for something means it had better be good.
Living downtown makes driving problematic. Either you can walk somewhere, or it's a minimum of a half hour drive, even if it's in the same city. Fortunately, there are enough places I need to go that a minimum of walking can be maintained. If nothing else, I need groceries, and the CSA pickup (which is about a mile and a half out) will be running through October. That gets me out a few times a week, and is definitely responsible for the fact that my calves, if no other part of me, are very strong.
Daily would be better, but I'm not sure how to do it. It will be figured out, however, and if it gets too bad, I'll make myself walk around the park with my mp3 player when the sun is reflecting off the snow. Usually, a little physical activity and a little sunlight on the eyes will improve things at least a little.
In other news, I made toffee last night. It is really, really good, and now I don't want to buy Werthers anymore. I must, however, do something about the fact that it cools with many tiny bubbles in it. If you are avoiding chewing the toffee for the sake of your teeth, they're murder on the tongue.
With this written, I'm going to head off and get my first article started, in order to have at least one done before noon. Then breakfast and cleaning.
Stupid winter.
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Date: 2009-09-05 04:16 am (UTC)