gracedpalmer: (Default)
By which I mean I backed the Kickstarter for Ursula Vernon's Summer in Orcus (a thing I read half of when it was updating in serial format and then wandered off cause everything was on fire). It is supposed to arrive in October or so, which will be pleasant. By then the Grey Time will be coming upon us and I may need pleasant reading.

I am also enjoying a lower-pain evening - sitting up in my desk chair (still at a makeshift tv-tray desk), messing about with the apartment and everything! We are still in for another week of doom-heat, but not quite so bad, and hopefully things will eventually stop being on fire. For the moment, things don't suck and my brain isn't even trying to convince me that they do.
gracedpalmer: (Default)
I have a habit of only posting on my livejournal when things are going pretty badly, because I am at home then and want to keep track of things. But right now a lot of stuff is going much better than it has been for a while.

1. I think I finally won brain-meds roulette. It seems that I have pretty bad luck with psych medications and their side effects. ie: Wellbutrin, which ought to be the best one for folks who have depression plus anxiety plus attention issues, made me cry for a week straight back in '04. Effexor made me loopy, panicky, sick, so tense it was painful, and briefly suicidal. A normal dose of Lexapro (10 mg) turns me into an emotionally numb sexless insomniac who can't be bothered to eat, has the attention span of a gnat, and freaks out every time someone slams the door.

No meds were causing me to constantly worry about whether getting ticketed or whether everyone hated me, plus doing anything took gobs of effort. Cutting my dose to 5 mg against the suggestion of my (moderately incompetent) psych has thus far allowed me to be a mildly distractable person with a lot more energy. I washed and hung up my laundry this morning without a half hour break in between. I had a terrible day on Sunday and it hasn't ruined the rest of the week. I'm still not highly functional, but I haven't been this clear-headed in years. I am suspicious...

2. I've done more art this year than I have in yonks. This is largely due to having a very enthusiastic commissioner, but it's still been really nice. There are many issues that I still have to deal with (indecision and fear when doing anything that's not a commission keep me paralyzed) but for once it feels like I might be able to do something about that.

3. Slowly developing the rudiments of a social life. Awkwardly and mostly as a peripheral to other people's, but when I do go out, much less time is devoted to being terrified and convinced everybody wants me to go away. Also no crying afterward!

4. Trying to turn into more of a positive person that people can actually like. Focusing on the negative is easier and safer, but positive people are more fun and have more fun. This is a long haul, but having a little more energy makes it easier to actually pay attention to how I am phrasing stuff.

5. This is much less important, but I have tiny rats. They are adorable and almost big enough to put into the cage with the big boys (they need to get fat enough not to fit between the bars first). Living things are pretty cool. Also very sniffy.

I am still basically a hobbit and it is still winter, but maybe this year's hibernation can be a happy one and not that of an angry badger.
gracedpalmer: (Default)
Good Things:
- Going swimming after finishing up writing
- Girlfriend off work for a week because they don't want to give her 40 hours and she worked all of Summerfest
- 5 Guys veggie sandwich
- 2 large loads of laundry finished and off the line

Bad Things:
- The Fruitfly Invasion in my kitchen
- Losing a full day's work because the client doesn't like it and it'll be that much worse to revise
- Still covered in water weeds
- Laundry still needs hanging


Inappropriate Solutions:
- Eating too much snack food
- Playing video games instead of painting
- Repeatedly turning the rats upside down
gracedpalmer: (Default)
Mostly because I have been figuratively working my butt off. Literally, it remains stubbornly present. But I am having a very good day.

It is pleasant out, if grey, I worked 14 hours yesterday to finish up a piece that I don't hate, and my weight is at the lower end of its current range. I -am- running on about 6 hours of sleep, but even that doesn't suck too much. Also, my girlfriend has been in a consistently good mood for several days running, something we do not take for granted in depression-land.

I have bought myself around a day of not feeling too terribly guilty if I'm not painting constantly, at least. I will actually show you the art eventually, but one of the things about commissions is that usually you can't put them up right away.

My body composition seems to be slowly rearranging itself towards an end result of looking like a Phil Foglio character, which is weird as hell. This does mean that none of my clothes fit and I get to spend the rest of the weekend sewing, but that is not so bad. Also, my tiny garden is doing well.

Today I am happy and I actually remembered to write it down - hurrah!

How're you guys?
gracedpalmer: (Default)
Which is actually a lot better than it sounds, because it means that I got enough work done yesterday to feel content with taking today off to do nothing other than play video games and drink heavily sugared tea. Hopefully the minor plague will dissipate by tomorrow and I'll be able to do my regular Sunday tidy.

Till then, oolong and Path of Exile (which has some -weird- side effects under Wine).
gracedpalmer: (Default)
It was lovely, and I want to keep doing it, even though I now have more than my share of tired and am kindof losing my accuracy. There will be more painting in the morning, brain; tonight we are likely to just make mistakes.
gracedpalmer: (Default)
But some things are wonderful:

Oatmeal peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and orange spice tea are among them.
gracedpalmer: (Default)
Of all things, my hair looks really good today - fluffy rather than flat or flyaway, actually has some waves, and I have fairytale ends but amazingly almost no splits. Of all days to bless me, hair gods, why this one?

Not sure if it's the coconut oil, the black tea, or just luck, but it was a nice thing in the face of a very rainy day and a lot of clothes that fit funny.
gracedpalmer: ((default))
There are still many, many problems with life, but [profile] sfogarty is here, [profile] moments_away is less sick than she was last week, and the sun is streaming into my apartment. I went to the farmer's market this morning and will be having spinach salads all week. [profile] sfogarty helped me bring back a homemade single-size futon frame and a small nightstand from behind [profile] samadi's apartment building; I get to wash and paint and tighten all the screws in those later. I just put the year's first pot of lecso on the stove.

Some things are still nice.
gracedpalmer: (citations)
But man, I hate illustration contracts.

In other news, I have a basil plant on my window sill, I am about 1/6th of the way to having a new bed frame (I seem to redesign mine every year or so) and I got done with writing early today. I had a lovely walk down by the lake and watched the ducks chase one another about loquaciously. I am being a horrible flake about what I want out my living situation long-term; my inner hobbit demands property and garden space, but my apartment is lovely and I <3 downtown.

I now have no idea what to do with myself. Maybe I'll bake muffins.

Friday, [profile] sfogarty is going to be in town. Hurrah!
gracedpalmer: ((default))
1. I have historically used stepmania for some exercise, but a hot summer and malfunctioning dance pad got me out of it. Last night I performed dance pad surgery and learned that : a. this is incredibly primitive technology. b. my dance pad is horribly put together. c. it is a miracle that this pad was working at all, since one layer of sensor film had actually shredded away from the side of the pad, torn through one button, and crumpled towards the middle. Scissors and a quarter of a roll of packing tape later, it works, except that one button, which I wasn't using.

2. I woke up this morning after a night of icky dreams and anxiety, stumbled to my computer, and was informed that [profile] moments_away was bringing me breakfast. After that, we actually used the dance pad. This was a good thing.

3. My new webcam is here, so I can talk to [profile] sfogarty without using either the old one that logitech no longer has drivers for or the fuzzy one that comes with the EEE. This is important, as my headset died before I moved.

4. I am teaching myself to eat more vegetables by leaving a marinated salad in the fridge. This is a happy thing, but it means I'm hungry a lot more often.

5. A. Accomplishment: assembling the metal shelving in the closet, putting some stuff on it, shoring up the makeshift shelving left by previous tenant, discovering that you can buy those plastic sleeve things for the shelves at Menards. B. Dubious accomplishment: feeling crappy and aimless, deciding to see if I really can grind coffee beans in my mortar and pestle. I could just go down the hall and borrow a grinder from [profile] moments_away, but this is for Science! Thus far, qualified yes; I have reached french press grind with relatively little effort and it's taking my mind of my headache. Can I get to moka pot? Only time will tell.

PS: Remus-rat has discovered that he can become very, very flat and slip through the inch and a half space at the top of the cage door. I need a better clip for this.

PSS: Romulus-rat would like to do this, but he is too fat.
gracedpalmer: ((default))
I think if younger Grace asked me for art advice, I'd have to say: Never take a long break from art or writing. Your taste will advance while your skill doesn't, and you'll hate all you do thereafter.

Or, in other words - guh, why can Thog no paint? My fingers are stupid and won't obey me. At least this year I am managing to swat clumsily at it. Last year, I wasn't arting or doing fiction hardly at all. The only way out is through, but damnit...

The twitchiness is setting in, though. Trouble sleeping, and the news is prone to send me into fits of miserable frustration or sadness. It would be nice if I got more warning on this, because then I could just avoid it entirely. But I can manage most of a day of information about, say, Occupy Wall Street or upcoming legislation. Then I hit some stupid comment or essay and things get spiraltastic. The world feels like a very futile place to this hippy-kid. I think I may have exhausted my optimism for change a couple of decades ago.

Still, today was beautiful, and I managed to go for a walk by the lake with delightful humans and have a real live nap, with hormonal aids. Am well ahead on this month's reduced quota. Might even make proper quota. In theory, there is a Cintiq winging its way toward me. If I can figure out how to rearrange my sleep schedule again, I might be able to go work out with my girlfriend in the middle of the night come December or so. Just gotta figure out how not to need sleep.

That one might need more work.

Working my way through the old Doctor Who reconstructions, from the episodes that got wiped during the 1970s. Enjoying Power of the Daleks thoroughly, though the visuals (choppy video and stills) are bad enough that it's better to treat it as a radio play. Feeling ambivalent enough about the new series, on the other hand, that I am still not caught up. Moffat - why was your first season so crap to women?

Anyhow, back to smearing pixels badly. I've got a cyborg mp3 player who won't paint herself.

Oh, oh my.

Nov. 5th, 2011 12:18 pm
gracedpalmer: ((default))
So, I've been sick and sleep-depped for as long as my tiny memory stretches back. In matters that are of course totally unrelated, I've been consuming what is for me quite a lot of caffeine. Last night, Mere and I had a "we are so sick; we are taking the night off, eating bad food and watching Bab 5" night. I slept somewhere close to 12 hours, melatonin-aided.

Then, I got up to nice sunshine, had a long slow morning and ate two slices of pizza. I also, as a matter of course, finished off the diet Mountain Dew that was sitting on my desk. Adequate sleep+food+light+caffeine mean that I am suddenly WIRED.

I'ma go clean the closet now. (I will not: start a new corset, reorganize all my fabric, disassemble the pantry, learn to make ice cream, start an ambitious piece of art or write a novel.) Wheeeeeeeeee!
gracedpalmer: ((default))
So, a while back, I got a G+ account, since it seems like a somewhat more tolerable alternative to Facebook, hideous real name policy aside. I have made two posts. Today, I made my first comment not on my immediate stream. It seems I find the interface intimidating and scary. While LJ, Dreamwidth, and to a certain extent Tumblr (which I'm still not sure about) give me the lonely but secure feeling of talking into a darkened room, Google+ feels more like having my notes confiscated and read in front of the class. Of course, I've wondered about just starting a standalone blog on my website; it's the most stable and under my control. I wouldn't have to worry about the service eating it as much. But getting readers that way is most difficult - even harder than on the fading skeleton that is LJ. So, for now, I suppose I will try to learn to use these foreign devices.

In other news, writing is going reasonably well, art is better than it has been in months, and I'm even sewing a little. [profile] moments_away found me an air conditioner on the lawn in front of my apartment, one better than I've been using. I am reminded of why I like living downtown. Our informal stuff recycling process is wonderful. The meat is still dropping weight (a term I use loosely, since the scale numbers are going down, but I'm not convinced anything real is happening) at an alarming rate. I fret over this, not because I am concerned about my health (numbers are still in the acceptable range), but because I feel like it's a trick and I am unwilling to trust it.

Made another pot of potato soup for the rest of the week last night. Also boiled up a new vat of laundry soap. My apartment still smells gently of citronella. There is little else of interest; I am thinking about buying a drafting table, but feeling guilty about it. I await a new shipment of bras with more eagerness than underwear should elicit. I have lost almost all my desire to bake.

Two to three more work units left to mine for week, unpleasant dentistry come Monday, and a trip to Waukegan tomorrow. Here's hoping you all have a good weekend!
gracedpalmer: ((default))
A weekend of firsts, though not particularly notable ones. Despite living here for 3 years now, I had not actually been to the beach. In fact, I didn't really know we had any until this spring. I don't have a good mental spot for freshwater inland seas Lake Michigan. Freshwater shouldn't -have- sand beaches, right? But anyhow, we went wading at sunset and got sand between our toes and there were waves that acted and smelled -almost- like the ocean, but not quite.

Eventually, it got dark, and we realized we were starving. My appetite is still borked, so I didn't really care where we went. This resulted in my first ever trip to a barbecue place. These are...weird. As with steakhouses, mentioning vegetarianism to the staff results in a combination of bemusement and mild panic. Fortunately, I ended up at a lot of steakhouses and other non-veg-friendly places when I was a kid, and can happily make a meal out of side dishes. Mac & cheese=yum. That said, I dunno that I'd go if I actually wanted Food.

Did a fun rush illustration job over the course of about 48 hours, went to the bead store and wallowed in the shiny, worked on more sewing. I'm enjoying my new warm-weather skirt design, but it takes an awful lot of sewing in the very fray-prone fabrics I've been using. Memo to myself: less satin, more tropical wool. Grabbed some 60" wide 100% linen for $5/yard. Very pleased, and perhaps soon I will have more than two summerweight skirts.

Today:
Wash all the dishes and scour sink.
Finish illumination commission for [profile] ladydrake
Finish second triptych sketch, also for [profile] ladydrake
Clean desks
Practice drawing facial expressions
Add 1 more panel to green skirt
Remember to eat
Debate reworking webpage some more, wander off confused
gracedpalmer: ((default))
Spending most of today on various outings and illustration work, rather than my usual article mining. I'm sure it's just because of the novelty factor, but it feels so much like cheating.
Acquired:
Cheese curds cut this morning
Very chocolatey wafer cookies
Sweet and sharp Hungarian paprika
Smoky stuff for putting on eggses.

Consumed:
Chocolate chip bagel with hazelnut cream cheese
Quantity of aforementioned cookies and cheese curds
Veggie chorizo and boiled egg salad with sushi vinegar

Written:
Two article rewrites, misc emails

Arted:
Worried Turkish woman.

Now, on to the bunny goggles!
gracedpalmer: ((default))
Greetings! I am having imitation Indonesian food tonight - noodles and stirfried veggies with spicy peanut sauce, which I made a little too limey, I think. While boiled egg and peanut sauce are probably the Best Thing, I am willing to admit a place for crispy tofu. If I am clever, I will put some of this in my bento box for tomorrow instead of stuffing it all in my face tonight. I have been entirely too lax in reinitiating Project Lunchpack, and I eat more vegetables when I bother to bento.

In non-dinner news, today I went to the polls and civicked properly. There's a state Supreme Court race and a county commissioner race (Scott Walker's old job), and this is one of the few ways I can actually do anything. Plus, I am belligerent about voting.

Also visited the church store on the corner. Acquired some kitchen stuffs, including a new candy thermometer. Then to fabric store and resale store, where I acquired some lovely blue and purple quilting cotton for re-covering my comforter (a compromise between making one from scratch and trying to find one for sale that I didn't hate), some relatively good chocolate and some high end vanilla extract I would not otherwise have purchased. I'd say I wouldn't be able to afford it, but this is not strictly true. I can afford many things, largely by virtue of not buying very many of them. ^_^

I have been curiously low energy and depressed this evening, but am pressing onward regardless. The result is that I have 1. Feeling of Accomplishment, with which to combat the blargh. Not really sure why the blargh is here in the first place; it was fantastically sunny today. When I got back home, the afternoon sunbeams were coming in my windows and setting the room aglow. This brings me much glee.

Had a good tabletop game, followed by a good round of scrounging (heavy duty milk crate, working air conditioner for [profile] moments_away, miscellaneous shelvage) Sunday night. Weekends are getting hard on me - I've been staying up late, but I also don't like sleeping in anymore. I envy all the people I know who can get by on 6 or 7 hours of sleep and still feel ok.

I'm gonna go A. sew, B. make bento, C. put away my laundry, D. look up spice rack plans, and maybe E. put tulle all over my windows.

My spiderweb fabric shed in the dryer. All things are now glitter.
gracedpalmer: ((default))
Lots of energy, reasonably up mood. gonna do the dishes now and collect stuff for goodwill.
Because we are being good, and this is far more responsible than taking apart the apartment to try to reorganize yet again, or going hunting for a larger apartment.

heeheeheeheehee...
gracedpalmer: (Default)
There is a single, confused, bright purple morning glory, and a tremendous, fluffy squirrel.

I have finished the base drawing for the hunting horror final. Once I get either forum quibbles, forum approval, or excessive silence, I will move to inking. I am quite pleased with myself at the moment. I think I shall pin down this feeling and roll in it for a while.

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